The Ritchie's

Love to Me

2009-12-23T16:29:00.000-08:00

It is like the sweet taste of a strawberry in June

It is the feeling of the warm sand in between my toes

It is the smell of rain after the clouds have gone

It is the morning it is the night

It is the days I can’t remember and the day I can’t forget

It is the laughter of children

It is the candle that burns through the fight

It is the sound of the ocean after a storm

It is the smell of spring in bloom

It is your true love

2009-12-23T16:18:00.001-08:00

Life is so precious and we only get to hold it once. We struggle our whole life to find meaning and truth when it is right in our hands.

We are full of care and compassion, fear and rage, tenderness and patients, sadness and sorrow, poetry and song.

There are so many thing that we see and so many people that we touch in a lifetime. We feel so alone in an over crowded world. We feel so confined in open spaces.

We spend our lifetime hunting and gathering for a better life. We search high and low for acceptance for who we are.

Souls suffering all around with little bits of happiness in-between to keep us going. Sadness over coming what we believe and laughter to fill the empty spaces of time.

No one knows why, but we all know that we do. What ever it is that you need to hold on to, do not let go.

When you loose your grip fight no matter how dark it may get to find the familiar hand and do not let go.

Give me your hand and I will hold it tight, when I get scared I will not let go. Your hand is so small compared to mine, I will not let go.

When your hart feels like it has stopped but your chest continues to pond find my hand, it is stretched out for you. When you can’t even look up I am here for you to hold on to.

If you hang on I will never let go.

Quiet

2009-10-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

I know that it has been awhile since I last posted, but what can I say. Life has taken a huge turn for my family and me. We loved Idaho and it was good to be close to all the people who love you. Because of my head strong ways and lack of adult stimulation I wanted to open a business at the very apparent wrong time. We failed at our business venture. I need to say this out loud because it is OK to fail. It is only with failure that you can learn and grow. There once was a man who failed terrible with the first two business ventures and when he tried the third time everyone was sceptical. There is now a town named after this man and he has been one of the most successful American in history. The town is Hershey's PA, someday there will be a town after me too, oh wait there all ready are a bunch. Maybe not after me but we share the same name. I am on an adventure that I like to call life and it has taken me to lots of places. I will not ever stop doing more then I think that I can do, being stronger then I think that I am, dancing even when there is no music and laughing out loud.

So all this being said we have landed in Minnesota. This is where my husband grew up and is a great state, he does have some family here. My family is not, this is a good and bad thing. If you know me then you also know that my family is lots of drama. My family is also all that I know. Even though they sometimes suck me dry of everything I am, when it is family it is expected and OK. Now that I have stepped away from that role I can see how much it really was effecting who I was and how exhausted I really was.

Now that I have had five months of rest and the kids are back in school I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world again. Only there is one problem, I have no relationships here. For me, this is weird and I am not sure how to go about making new ones. All of my relationship have been built around my family and now I do not have any of those roots to build on. Sometimes you pray for silence, pray that your life calm down and that you can have that peace you have always dreamed of.

The peace that I needed was well over due and I did need this last few months to recover. But that craziness is also what made who I was. Not having the phone ringing off the hook and people coming over with out notice, crazy schedules with little rest, never a morning to sleep in, kids running in and out of the house, never getting to bed till 11:30, big dinners, long days, and love of the ones who need you always there. The feeling of being needed, the feeling of making a difference, knowing that if you do not show up or if you are sick someone would notice.

It will come again and the Lord always leads me in the direction I am to go, but in this time of silence I will grieve.

I am glad that I am here, I know that there is a lot here that I am left to do. God has sent us here for reasons that we do not even understand yet. I am grateful and blessed to be able to listen to what he is saying. Most times I do not know what is coming next, but I trust that what ever comes my way is for the greatness of God. It may not be what I want but it will make me stronger and closer to the peacefulness of who I am. Quiet is what I longed for and Quiet is what I needed but it is also the Quiet that I fear. When life becomes too quiet we can understand why we love the ones we do and how, even though others may seem to drain us, that we need that drain otherwise our tub gets too full.

All of the quiet has reminded me of what is important to me and has brought my husband back to the center of my heart. In the hustle and bustle sometimes you start to grow away from each other, not because you want to but because the stress becomes too much. Even if the stress is not causes by the other person there are associated with it. Either you feel guilty for your part in the stress or they just remind you of the life you can not handle. Over time you start to blame and grow apart. Being away has brought me back. Back to the man that a fell in love with back to the life we imagined and back to the wife that I love to be.

I have been home for the last nine years for my children. Every bone in my body has wanted more then the stay home job but the most important thing to me is my children and the life that the love between my husband and I have created. I have given everything up to be with my children and give them the stability of a strong family. They are all great kids with promising future of wholeness in there adult life. Being home in the past was filled with others draining the tub and I had little left over for the children. I thought that I was staying home for my babies but now I realize that I had more then just my babies to take care of. They are now mostly in school and maybe do not need me as much as they did before. When I look at today I feel more like the mother I wanted to be and not the mother that I was trying to be. When things get quiet you discover that who you are and who you want to be are two different things. You can be who you want to be, that is what they always told you right? It is true you just have to take control of who you are first. Quiet your life and listen, not just an hour or a long weekend but a stillness that can not be interrupted and you will see deep inside your heart. You know that this deepness exists but we get lost in how to find it. We start to look for it with false paths, these are only illusions. Doing good for your church, staying home with the children, feeding the family, giving to the less fortunate or what ever it is that you do to try to find that spot in you heart. You will not, till you are quiet, quiet in life and in your relationships, the stillness of this will bring out places that you have longed for. A place that no one else can fill, a place where you find your true being.

So today remind yourself that the craziness and busyness of your life is only there because you are afraid to stop. May be because you are truly afraid of what you may find when you look deep within. But once you can discover the quiet you will not want to let it go.

Love

2009-07-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

The man I married is my best friend and the most amazing person I have ever met !

He is always there for me and is my biggest fan. He supports me in what ever I do. He comforts me when my heart is hurting and he encourages me when I feel like giving up. He loves me in the good times and the bad and he will never give up on us. We have a beautiful marriage and a wonderful life. A life that has been built on love and compassion, and one that is true and pure.

Through this love we have three Innocent and brilliant children. They make our days brighter and our lives fuller. They are all very different and all very loved. It is truly amazing what the love between two people can create.

Home sweet Home

2009-07-13T08:55:00.000-07:00

There's no place like home, That is the truth.

But really isn't home where you make it? So that makes home in your heart. So if you are at peace with who you are then you have a peaceful home. Your home is welcoming and comfortable. If you are restless then your home is restless. Your home in uninviting and dark.

We have just recently moved very far away from our home in Idaho and now we are trying to dig in some roots in our new location. We have all the same furniture and decorations. We have the children and our marriage. We have unpacked the boxes and filled the pantry. Together my husband and I have built a life of peace. When you walk into our home you feel it at the door. We are gentle with our children and loving to each other. Most anybody is welcome to come into our home and be who you are, eat, relax, ever stay the night. There is always laughter during the good times and you can find a safe place to cry when times are rough.

So even though we have moved away from all of your familiar surroundings, we still have everything we are. You can live in the nicest house and you can have a lot of great things but if you do not have inner peace you have nothing. This peace is the wind through he trees, the humming bird by your window, the smell of fresh bread baking in the oven, a long hot bath after a cold day, breath in the peace and let it flow out your finger tips.

This peace has moved with us and we take everywhere we go. Live life to the fullest and love the relationships you have they may not be around forever.

Cabin Life

2009-06-24T07:45:00.000-07:00

We spent the weekend at the cabin, it was so relaxing that by Sunday I could barley talk. We sat by the lake and watched the kids play, then sat on the front porch and watch the kids ride bikes, then went for a boat ride, then road the jet skies, then sat by the lake and watch the kids play, then sat on the porch and watch them ride bikes........ you get the picture.

Nana with Lu and Quinn showing her stuff on the jet ski
Torrie and Lu on the water tramp
Me making some moves on the jet ski - these are a lot of fun!
Torri and Lu relaxing on the water tramp, waiting for there turn on the jet skies
Oh wait there was some work to be done......... someone had to put the tramp in the water.

We had a great weekend and look forward to spending more time up there.

Moving Minnesota

2009-06-17T14:06:00.000-07:00

After packing the house loading the trucks and gassing up the rigs we set off for Minnesota. About 7:00 pm on Monday the first of June we headed for Idaho Falls about four hours away. Everything was good till we hit the worst rain storm I have ever seen in Idaho we rolled in to Idaho Falls at about 1:00 in the morning - very tired!

The next day we headed for Bozeman MT. I lost the guys and ended up taking the other freeway that takes you through west yellow stone. It was beautiful but took a lot longer then I expected. After hitting a herd of Bison, taking a detour to Big Sky and being stooped twice for long construction delays, we pulled in to Bozeman at about 5:00 pm. We had a quick bite with Jason's brother who lives in Bozeman and hit the road to billings. By this time we had about 17 hours in the car for about 12 hours worth of miles. We were all a little cranky.
Ok - we were serious about getting there. But since we have came all tis way lets take the little bit longer way and let the kids see Mnt Rushmore, Right? So we head for Rapid City and up the Mountain, behind two very slow moving trucks, and what? It would have been great to see if it were not completley in the clouds. So back down we go and the freeway is what we hit. That night we made it to Sioux Falls Sd.

Time to pull it in - 6 hours to home. We pulled in to the cities at about 4:00 pm and were ready for a cold beer and a good night sleep.

You Don't Get Cuter Then This!

2009-04-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

These guys are my life and I love them for it......

Happy Birthday Lynn

2009-04-15T18:31:00.001-07:00

Today is Jason's Mom's birthday, she would have been 55. She died last May of Ovarian Cancer after a battle of two years. She loved to be outside and to see new things. She was a big part of our lives. It is weired not having her around and it is always the first mile stones that are the hardest. Jason has been really strong through all the stages of grief but sometimes it hits you like a brick wall.

There have been times when you think that you see her walking down the street, or when you suddenly get the urge to call and tell her something. Loosing someone so close to you and such a big part of your life is a numb silence that dose not go away but rather becomes a part of you.

She also loved her one and only child Jason. She always took a lot of pride in having such a perfect child (barf). He sure is a handsome guy, this is Lynn and Jason when he graduated from the Marine Corp boot camp. She was there for all his achievements and supported him in everything he did. A mothers love is something that can never be replicated nor replaced.
She also loved animals, this was her beloved dog Sadie. Sadie was by her side till she went to Jesus. Sadie even lived in the assisted living apartment for a few weeks. Her gentleness and understanding drew animals and children to her. She was always willing to take the time to listen. Sadie was a stray dog, until she found Lynn. Lynn opened her heart and her home to Sadie.

She was able to open her heart to many people that we would have just turned a cheek. But she always saw the good that others had and tried to stay focused on what was and not what wasn't. She took me in when I was a young mother and it was just Alysha and I. I knew nothing of Jason and was not introduced to him till years after Lynn and I met. She came into my life when a needed a friend and with no judgement or expectations was there for me. She was my friend when I had nothing to give, and was a grandma to Alysha before blood. These are the souls we pray for, but do not see till they are only memories of the impressions they left.
Her openness is what kept her young. She enjoyed the moment and lived for the day. She loved her grand children and they loved her. They spent hours playing and reading together. She was the Grandma that would get on the floor and play with them. They miss her and talk about her all the time. Kids deal with grief too in there own little special way.

She was also able to go on a cruise four weeks before she passed. This is a photo of her playing with the dolphins. Always a kid at heart even when she was so sick she could barley walk she did. She walked as long as her legs would carry her and she lived the life that Jesus gave her. I learned so much from her, thank you for always being there for me and being my friend when I needed one.

Happy Birthday Lynn - Thank You For What You Were - You Are Missed!

Easter

2009-04-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

We spent Easter with our good friends The Hadley's, this was also our farewell to them.......

We do make a nice bunch with all six of the kids two very handsome Dad's and two rock'n hot Mommas. We sure are going to miss them in our everyday lives. We will meet again!
The kids all had lots of Easter treats left in the morning by the Easter Bunny, they were all very surprised and a little spoiled.
And they even had a visit from the Bunny himself.......
Told you - Rock'n hot Mommas, Sarah will always be a part of my life, I will never forget what she taught me. She truly is an angel in my life!
The boys had fun blowing bubbles left by the Bunny, it was so much fun.
Close up of Lu as she pulls off a double wand bubble.

It was the perfect day, the day the Lord made!

The Coast

2009-04-02T06:57:00.001-07:00

Jason and I took the kids to the coast this weekend. We have had a very hard last couple of weeks. Alysha got into a drunk driving accident and put herself in the hospital. She then spent a week in detention, was released to house arrest and then ran away. she is now back in detention and will be placed in a residential treatment program for six months up in Washington. I know that she is my daughter and I love her very much but she is making life too much to bare. I pray that she gets the help that she needs and finds her inner beauty while in treatment.

Jason and I have not had a good night sleep in about three weeks, the stress in the house is so thick. Sometimes I do not know how much I can take. God, guides me through everything and he will give me the rest I need if I take refuge in him. He also gave us the beautiful ocean, where we found ourselves at the end of our rope. Lord please, Take all the pain form my little girl heart and make her whole again.

This is my beautiful family, I love them more then anything and would go to the ends of the earth for all of them. We have seen so much sadness over the last few years it is time for me to rest, I do feel so weary.

The Pacific cost is a wonderful place full of beauty and mystery. She is angry and soft, deep and strong, predictable and mysterious. Watching the children play along the waves with the innocence of not knowing when the last wave would arrive and the security of being on solid dry ground. To us we know that the waves will always continue and somewhere in that prediction you forget where you the ground is.

As I sat back and watched my children I was also reminded that we all have our own path. And no matter what we choose, mohawk or beanie at the end of the day we are all created by one God and the true God.

Thank you Quinn, Lu and Henry for giving me simplicity, Thank you Jason for being my rock in the ocean and thank you God for giving me rest when I most need it.

The Hadley's

2009-03-18T11:39:00.000-07:00

My Friday's always include going to Burger King with the Hadley's. These kids are the best of friends. What is more precious then a childhood friend. So sweet, pure and free, nothing to discuss but everything to imagine.

Our girls..........they are worth the pain. These girls will be amazing women with the intelligence and power to get them through the toughest storms.
They are moving to Or in about a month or so. I will miss them so much. Sarah is my life line, she is always there for me and always loves me no matter what the day brings. She reminds me of what is important and what love is truly about. Life is not here to make us happy or to feel comfortable with but to endure. Love is not a feeling but an action, love is what you have when your are willing to take on someone else's weight that lies in their heart. Here or there I will always love this family. Thank you for being what you are and thank you for having the balls to open you heart. I love you Sarah

Alone

Lying, thinking Last night How to find my soul a home Where water is not thirsty And bread loaf is not stone I came up with one thing And I don't believe I'm wrong That nobody, But nobody Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone Nobody, but nobody Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires With money they can't use Their wives run round like banshees Their children sing the blues They've got expensive doctors To cure their hearts of stone. But nobody No, nobody Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone Nobody, but nobody Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely I'll tell you what I know Storm clouds are gathering The wind is gonna blow The race of man is suffering And I can hear the moan, 'Cause nobody, But nobody Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone Nobody, but nobody Can make it out here alone.

Glasses

2009-03-01T19:59:00.001-08:00

Quinton needed glasses and it turns out he has a higher prescription then I do. I think that he looks very handsome in them!

So Big!

2009-03-01T08:49:00.001-08:00

They just keep on growing and growing.

They are so beautiful and strong. You would never guess that they were 10 weeks early.

Boys

2009-02-23T03:18:00.000-08:00

Look closely at the high tech engineering going on here. Quinton decided that he wanted chicken coop instead of a play house. So he put the house on skids and lifted it on to his wagon. He took pictures and put it on craigslist. We have not had any takers yet but he is also willing to barter for wood and chicken wire. The house is on the wagon and ready to be delivered anywhere around the neighborhood or to your truck and hauled off. What have we created?

Adam was in on this too, they are great buddies!

Our First go at Ice Skating

2009-02-23T03:04:00.001-08:00

Daddy had to take the lead, being an old pro at it.

Quinton caught on right away and was off a skating like he had been tens times before.

Henry needed a little help with the walkers, they did not have them in my size.

LuLu had trusty old Dad at her side.

It was a lot of fun and we were all very tiered with a few bruises, but what is family fun all about, right!

Ronald Reagan

2009-02-05T21:12:00.000-08:00

Quinton had his first research and presentation project at school. They have been learning about the presidents in school. Each student had to pick a president to research him then present it to the class. This is what he put together after working very hard! He is so smart and I am so proud of him.
He worked at finding all the dates and events in Presidents Reagan's life. He also drew a picture of the American flag and found lots of fun pictures to add. He really liked that Reagan was a cowboy and even acted cowboy roll in the movies.

So Sweet

2009-02-03T19:15:00.000-08:00

Sometime they can be soooo Sweet, vegging in front of the TV before bed. I do not think that Lu even knew that I took a picture of her.

I know that Henry didn't!

Our Little Baby

2009-01-22T18:58:00.000-08:00

To stay afloat during these hard times of the economic down turn Jason and I had to make the decision to sell our little baby. This is a 1974 Alfa Romeo Spider, with convertible top and wooden steering wheel.
It has been a car that both Jason and I have enjoyed very much since before we had kids. We drove it through Oregon and trips to McCall. With the top rolled down a cigarette in your hand, the one you love the most sitting next to you and the open road in front of you. If you have never owned a convertible you should put it on your things to do before you die list.

I am sad to see it go, maybe some day we will meet again.

The Beautiful Girls

2009-01-22T08:15:00.000-08:00

The Girls Jeada - Pink Ronie - Blue

We were able to go see the babies last week and we snaped a few pictures. They have gotten SOOO big. They will be 8 months on the 1stand are over 14lbs. They have the biggest cheeks and the biggest smiles. They are so happy with there family, it warms my heart to be a part of Gods work.

The Christmas Train

2008-12-31T13:14:00.000-08:00

We took a ride on the Christmas train a few days after Christmas. It takes you to a town called Banks that is just on the tree line into the forest. It snowed the whole time and was beautiful. God's creation is amazing and he gives it to us, the sinners we are to enjoy.

We took along a few family members and I think that the adults enjoyed it more then the kids.
Me and my baby boy!
This is the picture perfect family don't you think?
This is my nephew Adam and Quinton who could not wait to get on that train, little boys and trains, they love them more then anything in the whole world.

The Day After

2008-12-31T13:05:00.001-08:00

The day after Christmas is always a quite day when the kids can just play with the new things they have and Mom and Dad can spend the day reading and watching movies. This is the day that I love. Nothing schedule and no one to entertain.

Henry has a new Dr. kit that all of the kids have spent hours playing with. $15 and already paid off. He looks so cute in his Dr. glasses, Dr. Hank

Lauren wanted an American doll SOOOO bad, she has been looking at the magazines for months and dreaming. She wanted the one with cowgirl boots, blonde hair and the little dog. We found that doll at Costco for $14 and she has no idea that it is not an "American Doll" she loves it just the same!

Chirstmas

2008-12-31T12:42:00.000-08:00

Where in the dog, after a very active Christmas morning Kiara settled in for for nice afternoon nap.

The Kids had a wonderful Christmas and got everything they wished for. We did not have a whole lot to spend this year and were feeling kind of bad but Santa knew how good they were and pulled through. We are truly blessed in so many ways.

I love this family! They are always so much fun to be around. Jason and I have the gift that keeps on giving all year, that is the life we have made, the love we have fore each other and the pure enjoyment we get raising our children.
These are the best kids any one could ask for - Love you guys!

Let it Snow!

2008-12-23T20:51:00.000-08:00

Good friends and good times are what make life worth living! We spent the day sledding with the boys and girl, they loved every minute.
This is one of my favorite people and her little darlings.......

And you can't forget the homemade Christmas cookies and with lots of colorful frosting!

These cookies were real works of art, don't be afraid to eat Henry's you can quickly pick his out, they all have a bite out of them.

Waiting for Santa

2008-12-14T11:30:00.000-08:00

It was the perfect weekend, we decorated the christmas tree .........

And played in the SNOW!!!!!!!

Portland

2008-12-10T08:43:00.000-08:00

We spent the weekend in Portland and had a great time. We took the kids to Omsi, the science museum and spent most of the day.

Henry was not interested in the Submarine tour so Jason and him spent some quality time outside.
We also were able to go to the Zoo at night for ZOO LIGHTS, it was amazing! They have the entire zoo covered in thousands of lights.
Jason and the kids standing in front of one of the light displays.

The kids spending some family time with uncle Seth and his dog.

Thanksgiving

2008-12-02T21:19:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was very quiet this year but it was nice. Jason finished the stairs and they look beautiful, Alysha spent three days fighting with her boyfriend, Lauren and Henry helped me put out the Christmas stuff and Quinton spent his time in the toilet puking. Everything is just about normal around here. I am thankful for my beautiful and totally disfunction family.

Christmas Crafts

2008-11-18T13:11:00.000-08:00

I know that it is still November but we thought we would get a head start on Christmas crafts, anyway who does not love to do crafts? We made home made paste, cut out construction paper and glued all morning.

Alysha's Birthday

2008-11-18T13:01:00.000-08:00

Sunday was Alysha's sixteenth birthday. She came over for dinner and to make cookies. The kids a I really enjoyed seeing her. Like any good trendy Mom I let her get her lip pierced for her birthday. I think that it looks really cute.

Jaeda & Veronica

2008-11-11T12:51:00.000-08:00

This is why I do not blog, I spent two hours write a blog about Alysha and the girls. After I was done I tried to copy and paste it and for some reason it will not work. So here is an updated picture of the girls, Jaeda and Veronica. They are five months old and almost ten pounds.

Spooky, Spooky, Spooky

2008-11-04T19:50:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween!

It's Time to get back To real Life

2008-03-21T20:35:00.001-07:00

Today I was enjoying the time that I have ha at home and being a little sad about the thought of going back to work. I have been home now for about seven years and I have loved every minuet of it. There is nothing else that has been more rewarding then to be home with my babies. I have had many sleepless nights, tons of laundry and hours of reading to my kids and there is nothing that I would change.
It is time to move on. Even though I have enjoyed my free time and probably have taken a little advantage of it, I am ready to go back in to the real world. On the other side of things I have seen every episode three times of Mickey mouse club, I have organized every closet three or four times and I have [painted every room in my house twice.
That leaves me singing Disney tunes while doing laundry with and looking forward to walking to the library to get more books to read before we take a very long bath and get in bed. Did I mention that I think that we have checked out every children’s book in the eagle library?
Here is a look at the last few jobs I have done around the house. I have a feeling that I will not be painting again for awhile.

Lau's Room

Boy's Room

Lisha's Room

Livin Room

Play Room

This only a few of my stay at home projects..........need I say more? Who has time for this kinda stuff?

Up-Date

2008-03-14T22:31:00.000-07:00

We are still alive; I know that everyone was really worried.
ALYSHA IS HOME!!!! We are so happy to have our daughter back home. It has been so nice to catch up on missed time. She knows is realizing that she made some mistakes but don’t we all. The interesting thing is that it is only through the really painful things that we learn and grow.

Quinn is growing and become smarter then anyone else in the house. If you have a question then you should probably just call and ask for Quinn because he knows everything at the old age of 6. I on the other hand am very relived that he is so knowledgeable because this means that he will make lots of money for me.

Lauren, well not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. Now that you have to pass a kindergarten entrance exam. Including knowing several sight words I am surprised that anyone gets to go to Kindergarten. The poor child just realized that she does not have a penis and they want her to pass an exam. I mean really do these Moms’s really not have anything better to do. Lau is just where she is supposed to be but she will not be going to Kindergarten next year because she misses the cut off by three days.

Henry turned three this month and had his first little birthday party with some of his best friends…… Andrew, Zack and Jered. All boy’s over the age of 14. They love Henry and have taken him under their wings at church. I know this relationship is probably a little inappropriate but you have to see them to understand. Henry tags behind the three boys and mostly Andrew and they play with him. Henry is very funny and has a great sense of humor.

Jason and I also celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary this month and still going strong. It does not matter what life seems to throw at us we just get stronger. Not that we have a perfect relationship, I mean who really does. The things that we have had to wake up to go to bed with and lay there awake with have made us turn to each other in ways that I could have never imagined.

Which brings me to the current status of our oldest daughter that we just got back, well we got her back and two others. Yep she pregnant and with twins! Most everyone knows at this point and it is getting a little hard to hide so I hope that you are not shocked. We are still chewing on it but it is what it is. Again we al l have our faults just some are more obvious than others. She has been very grown up about this situation and has decided to give the babies to a very loving family that can’t have children and wants kids bad. They are very excited to be getting twins and we could not ask for a better family

During all the kid stuff I am still moving forward on my store. The property closed and we now own the space. We are pushing along very nicely and the doors should be open by the end of summer. We need to rezone the property top commercial and then do so extensive building renovations. All this takes time.

2008-01-24T21:45:00.001-08:00

Now that it is almost February I though5t that I would up date everyone on Christmas. We had a very busy season like everyone else. For the first time we went to Minnesota. I was born and raised in Boise, Id and have never been anywhere but my own house on Christmas morning. So needless to say I was a little nervous. It ended up being very nice. I did all of my shopping on line and shipped everything straight to Jason’s Dads house. When we got there Kristin (Jason’s-Dads-Wife) had wrapped most everything. So, I really had nothing to worry about. The Kids were fairly good on the plain and since it was a direct flight we did not have to make any changes. Tom and Kristin have a beautiful home and are always very happy to have the children fill their lives with life. The Children Love to see their Grandpa and Nana and I eat all this up. I never had a Grandpa or a Dad so I love that my kids do. Grandpa’s and Dad’s are very important people, I feel very blessed to be able to give my children so many people to love them. Next are a few pictures of our vacation.

Kids at MSP Airport

Henry being a ham

Jason's Dad's Beautiful House

Chirstmas Morning

Me in my happy spot

Quinton opened allof his gifts and played with the his old toys first

Grandpa Monkieng around

Quinn With his K-nex airplane

Henry - Too much Christmas

Beautiful Little Girl

Tears

2007-12-30T20:57:00.000-08:00

We have had a very busy last few weeks. This should not be a shook to anyone because that is always the story. When I first started my blog I had every intention to write daily or at least weekly. It seems that I will have to settle for monthly. It is not that I do not have any time it is just that the extra time I have, I can think of ten more I need to do that are more important.
Like laundry!

Shortly after we returned home from our Thanksgiving get a way we received a phone call from Lynn, Jason’s mom telling us that she had been in a car accident. The lady who hit her was uninsured so there is not much she can do. The car is drivable but has no taillights. This is her only way to the cancer center and she has little to no money for other transportation.
This was a little stressful because Lynn thinks that whenever something happens that she does not have an answer for then Jason needs to just fix it. We on the other hand have been really concerned about her driving. Her health is not doing well and she is on a lot of medicines including a lot of pain meds. We have been worried for some time that she may get into an accident, this is risky not only for her but also for everyone on the road. So God works again….

In the mean time I have been working on opening a store. I have always wanted to do my own thing and I think that I figured out what I want to do. Now don’t get me wrong I love staying home with the kids. They fill me with laughter and love. I like having an open schedule where I can spend time at the library or go to the park for the afternoon. But in a way I am getting very board. There are only so many play dough animals you can make before you need something more.
I have thought a lot about going back to work. I have never been the work for someone kind of person and I have always wanted to do my own thing. So I am going to open a store. What kind of store? A kitchen supply store right here in Eagle. We have bought a little house that we are going to renovate and turn into a retail space. I am very excited and scared at the same time. I will try to keep everyone posted as much as I can.
Wean while a few days after we heard of Lynn’s accident Alysha calls. Alysha has not talked to me in weeks and I always call her she never calls me. When I answered the phone she was in hysterics. I could not understand a word that came out of her mouth.
Mom, come to the hospital!
Are you ok?
Come quick
What is going on?
Jayden was hit
Is he ok?
No, he’s dead.
Ok I will be there as soon as I can
Alysha’s step sister was getting ready for work and her son who is three years old opened the front door and walked out on to State St. at 7:30 in the morning. He was hit be a car and killed instantly. He turned three years old on December 3 and died on December 5th. He was a very precious little boy who was loved very much. This has been a huge shook to the whole family. After attending the saddest funeral with the smallest little casket I cried.

Alysha 1993
I started crying and could not stop. The tears that fell where like a river. They streamed down my cheeks and fell to the ground I felt that I was being drowned in the waters of grief. I shouted to the Lord my anger and frustration.
The pain the Alysha has been put through the horrible terrible things that she has seen. Her pain is so deep and there is nothing I can do to help her. She does not understand any of her feelings and I can’t do anything to help her.
She is my baby and I only want her to come to me. I cannot fix anything but I can love her. I want to hold her and ease her pain but I cannot make her take my love. This is exactly what God has been telling me. He cannot take my pain or fix anything but he can and does love me. All I have to do is go to him and he will give me what I need.

The tears we shed become rivers
Rivers of tears from our path
Our paths that lead us around the corners of life
The corners we cannot see till we get to them
Life that we can not feel till we are living it
The river is fierce with nothing to hold

Tears run into lakes of sorrow
Sorrow that lies deeper then the depth of our lakes
In the depth of our pain we find the center of our lives
The more tears that we shed the deeper we go
The more pain that you feel the more life that you know

You will see that the tears you have shed are the waters around you
The water that quenches your thirst when you are dry
The water the gives you hope when you are alone
The water that cleanse us within
Our tears become a river that flows

Through this deep pain Alysha came home. She came to my arms where I could do nothing but hold her and love her. I cannot take her pain away but I help her carry it.

Alysha 2007

ThanksGiving

2007-12-01T14:50:00.000-08:00

After spending several day planning and preparing to feed the church a formal thanksgiving the family and I headed for our family thanksgiving in Portland. It has been one thing after another and I have not had much time to post. I have taken several photos so please enjoy them and forgive me for not giving much explanation.
Dinner setting at the church - Dishes most people did not even now that we had.

One of the many tables set for serving the food.

My brother Seth's wife Kari carving a 32 pound bird the my mom raises up at her rance. Quinton was a ver important part of the working involved with raising the 150 beautifuly delicious birds.

Quinton helping cook Thanksgiving dinner at Seth's house.

Lauren keeping very busy playing Barbie's under the table waiting for dinner.

Henry at Portlands sience center called OMSI.

Quinn at OMSI

Lauren and Quinton as Penguins in the Antartica room at OMSI

We all so took an adventure to a big city department store display. This was in Macy's downtwon Portland where they had a complete north pole display. The Kids are standing in front of the Raindeer barn where they found all eight of Santas friends.

On the way home we stoped at the falls before packing in the car for 6 goods hours of road time together.

When we returned home my husband surpised me wiht tikets to see one of my favorit artists Tori Amos, it was a beautiful evening.

Jazzercise

2007-10-31T12:08:00.000-07:00

Some of you may not know that I have Jazzercised for eleven years. I stared when I was 19 and have faithfully danced at least three to five days a week since. I love it! I love to dance and I have always felt passionate about exercise. It is so important to me to take care of my body, it really is the only one I have.
I also have the greatest ladies that I Jazzercise with. They are like another family, I have cried with them, laughed with them and prayed with them. They all accept me for who I am, without any makeup on and usually in sweats. They have seen me at my best and at my worst and they love me. Some days I wake up and it takes everything I have to get myself in the door. Every time I do I anyways feel better that I did.
Today was Halloween and I would not miss it for the world – here are the photos of what you are missing out on!

My good friend Kristin Adams as cousin it.

MaryAnn Mandel as Thing 1

Christy Flynn as a Pirate.

October 20, 2007

2007-10-25T14:26:00.001-07:00

The perfect combination two boys and two girls.

Quinton learns to sew

Henry gets a manicure

Lulu…… do I need to say more?

Stuff

2007-10-18T22:06:00.001-07:00

The American dream! To have it all house, car, wife great job and happiness. Oh wait I mean one house in the city one in the country and one down south. Two cars at each house and one of those have towing capacity for the toys that will fill the lifestyle where the house is located. Wife well she better be beautiful, fit, friendly and a nice rack. If she does not have these things then we will just pay for them. Great job, as long as I can work from home not any more then 40 hours a week and eat out as much as possible. Then there is happiness, how great it feels to have it all.
We want everything and we want it now. Not only do we want it but, we deserve it.
The thing is that living in America we can have it all. We can have the house or maybe even two and the toys to go along with it but it is the happiness that we lack. We are so busy keeping up with having it all we forget about what really makes us happy.

Do we own our stuff or does it own us? Are we working to pay off the house that we have second on so we can have the boat to enjoy the weekends with our family who was too busy to pack healthy food so we just grab something on the way and we will eat off paper plate that we bought at the convent store where we filled our boat pulling SUV with gas using our preferred card for .03 off per gallon form the club where I spent the last four days trying to lose weight to fit into my new swimsuit that I am going to ware after applying sunscreen at the lake before we go home early on Sunday because we have to get the lawn mowed before Monday.

We are Americans we deserve this! Maybe we need to think of clearing out the American in us and letting in more of who you are. What is your passion, what really makes you happy? Are you living your life or are you maintaining your stuff. Are we truly boating, fast food eating, and gas guzzling creatures or have we become blurred by the fog of stuff.
Is this what God intended for us, if so how many people are suffering because they see others with so much and just feel bad that they do not have the same. What makes one man more superior then the other in this kind of world? The man cleaning the convent store does he work less or not as hard? Where is his boat?
The truth is he does not have a boat, but he has stuff. Extra stuff that clutters his home, his mind and his time. Time is the only thing we have and over all we do not have very much. Life is how we spend our time.
God wants us to be fulfilled with his love, he never said that life would be easy but he did say that when you walk your life with him by your side you have everything you need.

Romans; 13, 8-14
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, “do not steal, do not murder, do not commit adultery,” and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now then when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of the darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. RATHER CLOTHE YOURSELVES WITH THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, AND DO NOT THINK ABOUT HOW TO GRAFITY THE DESIRES OF THE SINFUL NATURE.

My Husband

2007-10-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

This blog entry I have to give credit to my husband. He truly is amazing in so many ways. He is a very hard worker and impresses me on all the stuff he knows when it comes to engineering. He really likes what he does and is very good at doing things right. He is also very good at working on cars and not only domestic cars but also most all cars. There is nothing that he cannot fix on any of our cars including the two Alfa Romeos we have. He is also an awesome plumber, which comes in very handy when your water heater goes out. He is also a very good electrician and can do anything from jimmy rigging the vacuum to installing 220 panel and outlets in the garage. He knows lots of stuff about the computer and can run any TV, VCR, DVD etc. like a pro. He is very good at doing anything in the yard from the sprinkler system to picking up the dog poop. I really like that he is good at that. Our Christmas lights are always hung exactly right all pointing the same direction and in color order. Our cars are for the most part always clean and up to date on their maintenance. Everything in the house is always operating just how it is supposed to and in a very efficient manner. I have been completely spoiled with all that he knows.
The one thing that Jason loves to do is build stuff. He installed beautiful bamboo floors in our living and formal dining room. He also put in new molding and sprayed the doors to match. He also installed a new front door with early craftsman style molding to boot. When Jason can have an afternoon sawing, painting and screwing he is a happy camper.

Now he gets this all done while working 50 hour plus workweeks, spending time with the family, spending time at church. He is also very good a paying all the bills with some leftover on a four kid stay at home mom salary. Since I mentioned it he also puts his kids first by working his tale off so that his wife can stay home and raise them.
He never goes out with the guys and could care less about football. His feet do not stink and I never have to remind him to take a shower. He loves my cooking and is always thinking of ways we can be healthier. He loves to spend time with the family no matter what we are doing. He likes to sit and watch movies or drive across the country as long as he is with his wife and children he is happy.

He truly is the most amazing man that I know and I am very blessed that he is mine.
So I have to apologize giving him such a hard time about his shed. You see Jason decided that when I was on a trip with my Mom and the kids that he was going to stay home and build us a shed. He collected and bundle of 2X4’s from my uncle and various other materials that was up for grabs. He drew up the plans invited over a few friends and up went the sturdiest and tallest shed of all times. 6mo later he rounded up some more free wood from our pastor and put the doors on. 6mo later he was given some metal roofing panels. 3 years and one month later he gets the panels up on the roof and finished the soffet. He still has about 2 more years of work at this rate. Everyone who knows him gives him a hard time about it. He has put the shed together for little to nothing and he has done it all with his own two hands. It will be a very nice addition when it is done.

So. I from the depths of my heart I have to apologize for the crap that I have given this hard worken, loving husband because if it is a shed that take five years to built then I will take it all.
I love you Jason you truly are the best!!!

light and fluffy

2007-10-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

Every Monday we stop by the fruit stand for the weekly fresh fruit and veggies. The kids have become good friends with the guy who runs the place; he gives them lots of things to snack on while mom shops. He has been very generous in giving mom left over fruit to turn into jam.
The price? A pint of jam.

Lauren has always had her own sense of style…you have to love that girl!

Jesus Loves Me

2007-10-06T15:34:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and remembered that I was loved. I know that my blog has been heavy and dark that is what I have been feeling lately. I have never been able to just pick up and be something that I am not and honestly those kinds of people irritate me. Now I could post inaccurate fluffy things about life, or post colorful photos of the things I want people to believe about the hidden truth of who I really am. What would be the use of blogging? Life is heavy and full of pain but it is only through he pain we feel that we become strong, compassionate people. When everything is great and there is no necessity to have character. If we are not learning and growing then we might as well be dead.
But lately I have been blinded by the darkness that has been around me. I have slowly let it take over me. I have forgot the beauty that the Lord sets right in front of you. This is the beauty that holds caries and us through each day.

I have the best family and the cutest kids, I would give my left arm for any of them.

When I woke this morning and looked over to see the most loving and caring man I know, I remembered that Jesus loves me.
When I heard the sweetest little voice pop up from the edge of the bed, informing me that the sun was up I remembered that Jesus loves me.
When the best sister in the world showed up to take the kids for the evening I remembered that Jesus loves me.

Life is hard and it is easy to forget that even through the bad stuff Jesus still loves me.

Hold On

2007-09-30T00:20:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have written but things have been crazy. I have also been feeling really down lately and have not really had anything good to say. So if you cannot say anything nice then do not say anything at all.
Most everything on my list has been checked off. I have most all the canning done, I changed the sheets on my bed, I shaved my armpits and I found my missing cat at a garage sale last week.
I do need to fill you in though on some hard stuff I have had to do. I am only going to post this on the Internet because I feel that someone may be able to really benefit from the truth of life.
Life is hard and there is a lot of stuff that we all have to go through. Everybody has different ways of dealing with life and everybody has dysfunctional families. Warning: those who cannot admit to the dysfunction are probably some of the most dysfunctional.
I have a daughter and her name is Alysha Lillian. She was born on November 16, 1992. We are exactly 15 years and 4 months a part. I have spent over half my life raising her. She has been my morning and my night. We have had good and bad times but mostly real times. There has always been little eat, not much gas in the tank, free lunch at school, homemade Christmas and only local TV. There have also been lots of books, sleepovers in the living room, hours doing our nails, class parties and quiet nights. But there has never been a lot of touch, we never held hands, never snuggles on Saturday mornings, or hugs after she fell off her bike, never a kiss good by or even a love to say hello, never any touch.
I tried to change what I felt inside but the pain was to deep to reach out, the only thing I could do was hide it. I could hear her cries for mothers love; she needed to feel the warmth of the heart that beat to keep her alive. I could not give her what she so desperately needed. I have carried this truth with me, and now it is infected. Like the wound that you do not see because you have covered it for so long.
Why is it that the wicked things that we hate turn into the wicked things we are? Why is it that the pain we feel, we inflict upon the ones we love. We so desperately want to protect our loved ones but yet we line them up for fire.
I sat there in drug class with my beautiful Alysha. I now see her every week during this time. We sit at long tables and she sits across from me. Next to her sits the perpetrator.
We will be doing an exercise on communication, the drug class facilitator says and hands us an 81/2 X 11 sheet of paper. On the paper we have written a few statements that we want you to go over with your child and parent. Ok, this should be simple.
I look up at Alysha with her big eyes and start the list:
What I most love about you is…
The changes I have seen in you are…
I feel closest to you when…
I feel furthest from you when…
What I am most concerned about you is…
What I wish we could talk about but don’t is…
By the time I had read the third thing on this list my eyes were pouring with tears and my heart needed to be picked up off the floor. I miss you is all I can say. She throws her self into my arms and sobs. For the first time I hold on to her. I love you is all I can say I love you. It is so hard Mom she says. I know Alysha it has always been hard.
After years we embrace her tears on my chest and my tears in her perfect silky hair. I wish that I could turn back the time and hold her more, tell her that I loved her.
I look up and see the perpetrator sitting there and now it is his turn to go through the list. He smiles and lets out a laugh as she walks over to sit back down next to him. It takes all of my will to stop myself from jumping over the table and punching him in the face. The pain he has caused the tears that have been shed and he sits and laughs.
Hold your babies tonight. Give them all of your love, kiss them and hugs them and do not ever let go. Baby fits mother so hold on to him tight. Hold on because life hurts like hell.

One day

2007-09-16T14:12:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since my last post. I have had a lot going on and truthfully I have not even had time to check my e-mail. A few years ago I started canning. Now I do most of my winter food supply by canning it myself. My Mom as thought me everything there is to know about canning and now I cannot get enough of it. We have done Tomatoes yellow and red, peaches, pears, beans, jams and corn. Needless to say I have spent a lot of my time in the kitchen.
On top of, volunteering in Quinn's class once a week. Attending back to school night last week. Taking the kids to gymnastics one day a week and church one extra night a week. Jason's Dad was here last week so we had four days entertaining him. We have all had a bad case of the flu bug and our cat has run away 7 times since last Tuesday. My brother has been evicted from his house again and his daughter who is only 15 in now pregnant. My daughter had court last week and will be attending drug and alcohol classes once a week for twelve weeks. I have been court ordered to attend these classes with her and my ex-husband. Jason's mom is still having chemo and we see her one night a week. Our rental house in Emmett is for sale and the renter in the back house has not paid the water bill in two months. Lauren had a birthday and we spent a day filling her cup. Our water heater broke and flooded the garage and Jason is going out of town this weekend. We have sold one of our extra cars and the man will be here from Pittsburg to pick it up on Saturday. I have a cold my face has broken out, I need to change the oil in the car and the sheets on my bed have not seen the washing machine for several weeks. One of my good friends had twins and I have had her gift sitting in the front seat of my car for two weeks. As soon as I can get to the post office I will send them off. I also have stack of books that need to go back to the library and the deposit has to be made, my grocery list is now two pages long and Henry peed the bed last night. I need to take the dog in to have her ears cleaned and I have my yearly exam on Tuesday. The mirror in the bathroom was knocked over and broken last week and the lawn out in Emmett needs to be mowed. Jason is doing construction on the job he has been working on the last six months so he has to work most weekends and late every night. Oh shit, I just burnt dinner!
And to think I would give all of this up for one day of quiet. This is my life, how are you?

School Days Start

2007-09-03T13:52:00.000-07:00

It has been a very long week........
Quinn had his first day of school. He is now a very big boy attending the first grade. He will now eat lunch at school and stay till 3:35. Of course they had a half a day on Monday and no school on Friday and then no school on Monday again so we will have to give it a week or two and see what happens. Quinton has so far not really had any use for school. He has a great teacher this year who seems to be a science and health nut so hopefully he will get something useful out of this year.

Lauren is now doing three half days of preschool. She on the other hand loves school. She makes friends easy, she likes to color, write and listen to stories and she loves her teacher. So that leaves me with Henry, it’s just the two of us three days a week in the morning. Now I can get my grocery shopping done with just him. This may sound like it is not that big of a deal, but you try to go shopping with three little kids who all go different directions and never tell you where they are going.

Jason has been working on a project for the Boise Airport and they have been doing construction for the last few weeks. He has been working from sun up to sun down. This weekend was going to be his first day off and so he decided to get a really good case of food poisoning. That has been really fun but I do not recommend trying it.

It is also harvest season and I have canned peaches and dilly beans this week. I have two bushels of tomatoes in the garage waiting to be canned next. My garden is one of my favorite places to be. There is something about growing my own food then preserving it. It is such a great life skill to have and to know that I can provide for my family with out much help from the dreaded grocery store.
If you know anything about me you know that I frequent thrift store and garage sales. I have collected most of my canning equipment and jars from theses places. Also Jason and I have been switching out diet to little to no commercial processors. It has been a challenge and a lot of label reading. Now that I know what is good to eat it actually saves a lot of time at the store. There are now isles that I can skip completely. Also it protects me from the impulse buys, most which include the things we try to stay away from.
The trick is to keep your husband away from fast food that is poisoned.

To end the week we finished the inspection of a rental we have out in Emmett. Our renter has decided to move back to Alaska. We are done with the rental days and are going to put this property on the market. I always liked this house and it will be sad to see it go but we are really trying to focused on simplify our lives. It is a charming two-bedroom home that was built in 1926. It sits in the Williamson addition of Emmett and was actually Williamsons house. It has all the original hardwood floors, pulley windows and claw foot tub. There is also a one-bedroom mother-in-law house in the back. We just had them painted before the last tenant moved in. We would love to keep it but we just never find the time to give it the attention it needs.

Well I hear Henry beating on his older sister again so it is time to play referee. And I wonder why I can’t find anytime?

The Cross

2007-08-26T13:36:00.000-07:00

The cross what does this word mean to you? What do you think when you hear the word cross? What comes to your mind when you see a cross? So many we see on churches, in stores, on cars, in books on the Internet, on music cases and even people ware them. We see them on jewelry, on t-shirts and even body art. But what really does the cross mean. Is it just a simple way to tell other people that you believe in God or is it a symbol to others that there are Christians inside praising Jesus. Does it mean that when you drive down the road you are more blessed or that the music you are listening to will fill your ears and make you whole. What is it that you are really hearing or seeing when you encountered by a CROSS?
I hear over and over that cross is a universal symbol of Christianity. In the dictionary it says; a structure consisting of an upright with a transverse beam used by the ancient Romans for execution. Maybe I really should ask Jesus what the word cross means to him? Maybe we should ask the people on death row to answer the question honestly when asking them what they feel about lethal injection. They might say shame, guilt, not worthy, pain and desperation. That may seem a little extreme but maybe not.

When I think of the cross I think of all the things that I have had to bear in order to become closer to Jesus. I think of the pain, the pain that is so deep that only the Lord could understand or hear my voice screaming for a release. I think of humiliation, embarrassment that the world has cast upon me for the mistakes I have made. I think of sorrow for the relationships that I have lost. The blood and tears that I have shed through desperation for strength. Darkness that surrounds me like a storms cold heavy, intense clouds and the eerie silence of what is to come. I think about being tied to my past and persecuted for the things that I struggle with. I am weak my body trembles to hold on to the days that encircle me. I am thirsty me mouth is dry and my skin is cracking I beg for the flow of truth. I am tired I can barley see what is in front of me when will I rest in the shadows of perfection. I lay in my grave that still is exposed to the arrows of my enemy. The world beats down upon me, all I see is the darkness that weighs on me like a cloak of steel.
Christ carried his cross, beaten and bruised. He was nailed to the pain of the world and left to die on the sin we have created. The hands that touched sick now shed blood the feet that walked to heal the broken now shed blood too. His mouth too dry to swallow, his eyes filled with sorrow and his body to weak to stand. He feels the pull of each nail as his body begins to rest. He still calls out to God in the time of his death.

I cry out to you oh Lord. My spirit is clinching to the faith of becoming new but my body is slipping away tired and weak. I call out to you oh Lord how long do have to wait to hear your voice.
Still I wait in silence so that you will come and sit with me you can bring me into open places where the sky meets the sea and the fields behind me never end. You are the one who has changed me; you are the one I long for. I will shed one thousand tears and ten thousand more. Still I will never feel the pain that lies deep in the ocean of tears that you have wept for me.

Matthew; 10, 38-39
And anyone who dose not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Ask Jesus what the cross means to him. Ask what he feels when thinking of the cross. He will not tell you that it is just a symbol. It is what we can only hope for, that we too can die on a cross, filled with a lifetime of sorrow. Our pain that scars our bodies and the tears that blur our vision. When you can feel your heart breaking and you are not sure if you can take anymore. When the walls close in around you, the ground is too unstable to walk. Then we can get a glimpse of what Jesus has led us to do. We forsake Jesus for the cross that we carry; he died on our cross to save us from the sin of the world.
When I think of the cross I think of my testimony. The path that I have walked down, the darkness that I have endured. Life has brought me to so many places. The lessons that have been worth leaning have been ones of pain.
God you are the light on my path and the rest that I need with you I am and with out you I am not.

Romans; 6, 3-4
Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?
We were there for buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead in the glory of the father, we too may live a new life.

Romans; 6, 8-10
Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we also will live in him.
For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, He cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives he lives to God.

Cowboy Day

2007-08-23T19:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the day that all kids who live in Boise Idaho wait for, FAIR DAY. Every year the fair comes through town, now I try to avoid going but since we have to drive right past the giant ferriswheel to get to church it is kind of hard to hide. So we were on our way cowboy hats and all. After several twenties and too many pronto pups we made it home before 10 o'clock.

The next day we spent on the couch all three kids and the dog had a bad case of the runs........

We did make it out of the house today to go meet Quinn's first grade teacher. I am so excited for school to start, Quinn will be in full day and Lauren has three days a week in preschool. I cannot even imagine what it will be like.

2007-08-19T21:59:00.000-07:00

This weekend we were finally able to catch up after a very long summer. Things have been crazy like most people but we have been trying very hard to weed out the unnecessary craziness and focus our time on what is life giving instead of life sucking. So the last few weekends we have been doing things that we want to do instead of things that we “have” to do. Jason has been helping our (who we like to call Dad) Dad with his kitchen project and getting some male bonding in at the same time. I have had a few quiet Saturdays to spend catching up on everything in the house. Through my crazy weeding I found time to have one of my dear friends daughter over night. Tanya has always been one person that I could count on. She is the one who talked me into writing this blog and she has the craziest life but she still finds time to love me and it amazes me. She is beautiful in so many ways. I found time to take her daughter Gloria for the night. We also had time to sit and talk for about 30 min when she came to pick Gloria up. Also I was able to go out to lunch with her last week that has not happened for months. To feels good to get a chance to catch out with good friends.

Me working on my blog!

So this weekend Jason and I took the kids to the discovery center, came home and watched a movie, then finished the night with a family bike ride. We actually went to church Sunday morning; I was surprised that people even remember us. It has been since early July that we have had a chance to get there. Then we went out to pizza with Shawn the pastor and Katrina his wife. Now you are probably thinking oh way to get points in heaven sucking up to the pastor and that is why I hate introducing them so formal. They really are just people just like us and they are great friends we enjoy spending time with them and there family. We came home took naps and headed up to my Mom’s ranch to heard turkey’s. That sounds funny but in reality it really is much funnier. We have to move our thanksgiving turkeys from the brooder house to the bigger roost. They are so stupid if one gets scared they all turn and run back. The key is to keep 200 turkeys facing the same way and slowly move down the lane. You lose a few on the way but those can be picked up and carried. The Kids love my Mom’s ranch and they learn so many good honest work habits when helping. Quinton likes to stay the night with Grandma and is really at the age that he can help out so he decided to stay for the night.

He also decided that he did not like his sister hair so he gave her a hair cut free of charge. So now Lauren has one long pony and a short one. CUTE!

Spring

2007-08-15T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today was a very busy day, all the kids and myself did THE BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING. It was exhausting! Luckily we found some really great sales and were able to get everything with in budget. I do love these days for the reason that it tuckers out the children and I can have a moment to myself.
This brings me back to the reason why I named this blog My Season.......
SPRING - Spring is the time for us to work. We study for the perfect place for our garden to grow. It has to have just the right amount of light and water. We choose what we are going to plant in our garden. We calculate how far we are going to space the plants. Then we spend a lot of time planting our detailed garden.
Now for you gardeners out there you know that planting a garden is not easy work. You have to get your hands dirty, your knees start to hurt and after awhile even your back can feel the labor you put in. Many weeds have to be pulled and everything you need to know about soil conditions. There are a ton of books on how to have the greenest thumb. But there is no one to do the work but you and that is what makes it your garden.
My season is spring. I have chosen my husband, how many children, how far they are spaced and where I will raise them. I have done lots of the weed pulling and have made nice secure planting beds for them to grow. I make sure that they get plenty of food, exercise, sun and Christ everyday. I also have read plenty of we know what you are doing wrong and here is how to fix it books. I realize how very tired I am and how exhausting it is to have your own garden.
It is refreshing to know that I am not the true gardener. Even thou I work very hard at keeping my garden alive the Lord is the true gardener. He has given me beautiful plants to look after but only with his help can I grow a fruitful garden.
John 15; 1
“I am the true vine and my father is the gardener.
He cuts off every branch in me that dose not bare fruit, while every branch that dose bare fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful”.
This gives my sprit rest and reminds me again that the Lord is here for me to come to. He will prune me and shape me when I rest in him. As I pray over my resting garden tonight I ask the Lord to let the light of the day shine on my garden so that these little plants will grow into fruitful trees.

Psalms 1; 2-3
But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like the tree planted by the streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf dose not wither.
What ever he does prospers

Be Still

2007-08-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

When we dropped in the water, it felt like plunging into a glass of ice water on a hot summer day. The sun was hot and I could feel it beating down on my shoulders. I lifted myself into my kayak as I said a prayer to Jesus, please keep everyone safe. Jason my husband sits down in the seat behind me as we jolt into the water. The water was lower then usual which made it choppier then I am used to.
As we head down a quiet path of calm water everyone settles in with the confidence that it should be a fairly easy ride. We start to paddle into the next rapid when I look up to see my son Quinton, who is in the raft a head launch out headfirst. He looked like a floppy fish fling throu the air. I Yelled, QUINTON !!!!!! The only thing I can do is paddle as hard as I can to get to him. I completely forget that I am headed for the same rapid and need to get through it before I can even think about helping him. Just then our kayak is completely flipped over and both my husband and I are thrown out. I was dumped right into a whirlpool. I could not breath; all I could see was white. I felt my body being pulled around; I was hitting my foot on a rock. I tried to swim out of it, I did not know where the top or bottom was I tried to push myself off on the rock but I was being jerked around so much I missed it every time. It was like I was in a blender on a mechanical bull with a bag over my head, there was no way out. I was scared, a million thought were rushing through my mind, Quinn is he ok, my other kids they need me to fight this, Jason I can’t leave him yet he needs me to fight this. I had been under it felt like five minuets, in reality it was probably about 80 seconds. I felt like it was the end then I started to pray, God told me, be still. The more I try to fight the water the more it pulled me down. I was getting tired and I had no air so I let go. I just let my body relax and flow with the water like a green piece of seaweed I let the water carry me, almost instantly it spit me back out into the rapids. My life jacket was above my head so I was still under the water. I pulled it down as much as I could and struggled for any air I could get. I had to ride out the rest of the rapids. I could feel my feet and legs hitting rocks as the river pulled me down stream. Each time it felt like the sidewalk feels when you fall of your bike. I was able to get a few small breaths but with each breath I swallowed the river. I had water in my ears my nose and mouth. I felt sick to my stomach, still unsure that I was going to make it. I started to throw up all the extra water it felt like my guts were going to explode as water poured out of both my mouth and my nose. I then could finally see my kayak floating ahead of me. I was so tired that I could not even swim to it. I pulled my jacket down so that my head could have a little support I needed to breath. I came up out of the last rapid, still unsure of where my son was. I took my first deep breath and as I let it out I yelled “WHERE IS QUINN”. It was like one of those dreams where you yell but nothing comes out. But someone did hear me; they yelled back “he is fine”. I yelled again “WHERE IS QUINN” I heard again “he is fine”. With the relief that Quinn was safe I took in a few deep breaths. I then used all of my left over energy to swim to the kayak but I could not pull myself in. The thought of lifting my body over the life jacket and into the kayak was not even conceivable. I held on to the side as my husband swam from another kayak over to me.
I was done with the river trip at this point and would have gotten out. The only problem is there is no place to get out. We had only gone about a mile in a six-mile run and we had to finish. I was tired and terrified that something else was going to happen. Then I realized that this was more then a river trip this was a hit over the head by God.
Exodus 14; 13-14
Moses answered to the people,
“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will se the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The lord will fight for you; you need only to be still”.
My journey with God has taken me to a place in life where I have had to learn to be still. I gave it to God completely by surrendering everything and trusting that he would fight my battle. This is not an easy thing because I am a fighter. God has been telling me to give up the fight and let him fight the battle for me. Just like he told the Israelites to be still, the fight was more then they could handle but to trust in him and he would fight for them. When they were able to do so, he parted the waters of the Red Sea and they were saved. I to have been waiting for my waters to part but I feel like the river has been rising around me. When I was stuck in the whirlpool I was forced to let go. The more I fought the deeper I was. When I finally let go, I was almost instantly released from the force of the world or in this case the water. As I continued down the river I discovered that there were more rapids and even bigger ones. Instead of being over confident during the slow times that I would use those times to relax and get into position for the next rough waters. All I have to do is paddle till I was ready to go in then hold my paddle in the air and just ride with the river. I felt the waves hitting me; I felt the rocking of the boat. When I held my arms high I glided over the top into still water. I then felt like I was on a ship instead of a kayak and it was not so scary.
The river of life never slows or stops. It is unpredictable it turns and bends it is constantly changing. When we fight to try and control the water around us it will send us into a whirlpool. We can fight till we feel like we will die. It is never to late to give it up to Jesus. He is waiting for us and hears our cries but it is up to us to let go.
Psalm 18; 16-19
He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster but he lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

2007-08-11T10:54:00.000-07:00

Today was a very quiet day Jason worked late and I stayed home. The kids and I were sitting down for a fresh garden diner when Lauren announced that she was done and would be returning outside to finish playing, Henry followed. I was sitting in my usual spot enjoying the quiet of the evening the kids had left the sliding glass door open and I could feel a slight breeze coming through. After the heat of the day it felt like a silk sheet flowing across my shoulders. As I sat reflecting on my day and thinking of what I had to achieve before I could retire to bed I was suddenly introduced to a bird. A bird was placed right next to my plate as I jumped I heard a little voice say; "this bird is dead Mom". My sweet Lu had brought me a dead bird with complete confidence on her accuracy that in fact the bird was dead.

My babies

2007-08-10T15:25:00.000-07:00

opening

2007-08-10T10:05:00.000-07:00

Today I have decided to start blogging. My dear friend Tanya has been blogging since January of this year and it has been such an awesome way to keep up to date in her life. She has a very exciting life so there is always lots for her to write about. My life well may not be as interesting but is definetly crazy. I named this blog My Season, for many different reasons but mostly because seasons are only temporary, they are always changing and you can not control or stop the gestation of each season. Each season comes with there own beauty and I appreciate every one in different ways. Also each one comes with there own troubles but with a little hard work and time a new season is always on its way. If I apply this to my life it sure does help me get through a lot. I will tell you more as I go on but for now lets get started.
I have been married to the most wonderful man Jason for four years but we have been together for eight. He is amazing mostly because he loves me and puts up with all my crap. We have three children Quinton, Lauren and Henry. They keep us going tired or not. We also have a daughter Alysha who is mine from a previous marriage I have a feeling you will get to know her better then you would expect. She is kind of a lost seed in the garden of life and she is not sure that she is in the right flowerbed.
I look forward to posting and I will try to do so everyday. Peace for now.